The Trouble With Calling it a "Lifestyle"

Person with hands over their face

As someone who is part of the LGBTQ+ community, I cringe a little bit inside every time I hear someone refer to being gay as a "lifestyle." This term has always bothered me because it contains subtle implications that being gay is simply a choice, something frivolous that a person opts into rather than an intrinsic part of who they are. It trivializes the struggles and hardships that I and other gay people have endured over the years while fighting for equality and acceptance in society. 

When a person uses "lifestyle" to describe homosexuality, there is often a thinly veiled judgment contained in the word. It hints that being gay means living an immoral, hedonistic, or "alternative" way of life. For example, you'll rarely hear anyone describe being straight as a "lifestyle." For heterosexual people, their sexuality is seen as normal and default. Using "lifestyle" for gays, on the other hand, subtly codes them as abnormal and outside the mainstream.

As a gay person myself, describing my sexuality as a "lifestyle" makes it sound as if it is defined solely by certain interests or behaviors rather than my complex inner desires and emotions. It reduces my identity to superficial qualities and stereotypical assumptions. For instance, when some people think of a "homosexual lifestyle" they immediately jump to images of vibrant night clubs and parties. But like most LGBTQ+ individuals, I live my day-to-day life with the same mundane responsibilities as anyone else no matter who I love. My sexuality does not encapsulate my complete identity.  

At the end of the day, I and other gay people do not see our sexuality as a "lifestyle choice." Rather, we experience deep and authentic feelings of attraction just like anyone else. We build our lives around the same goals of pursuing meaningful relationships, careers, interests, values, and dreams for the future. Our sexuality does not override these deeper priorities, it only colors and shapes them in uniquely personal ways.

So I gently challenge those who have used the term "lifestyle" to describe gay people - maybe it's time to reflect more consciously on the words we use and what ideas or judgments they promote. Building a truly accepting society requires first building an understanding of the shared humanity and dignity inside us all, no matter who we love.